Every wedding has something that goes wrong. Unfortunately, it seems a good deal of this is from well meaning friends offering to help out with the planning and having it go very, very wrong. This month has been all about crisis handling for brides here at the office; with girls calling because they paid a deposit and suddenly a florist is not responding, or a friend who was supposed to bake their cake has had a falling out with their bridesmaid and now there wont be a desert at the wedding because of personal drama. I've seen some of the "friendor" drama before, and been a vendor to many a friend's wedding myself, so this kind of thing really does strike a cord with how I feel and work. Below I'll discuss some ways to curb the drama and avoid stepping on toes by just refusing some budget friendly offers that could make your day complete.
Weddings bring out the best and the worst in our relationships. From family members that want you to wear Great Aunt Hilda's wedding gown from 1940 to the sunshine friend that offers you wedding photography via their iPhone... we all have those times when it is a clear "No, thank you." But what about the times when a genuine offer comes in from somebody we know who does this as a side-business or really has a genuine skill they would like to offer?
- Consider ALL your options. Weddings are only ever getting more expensive, and even the most freely budgeting bride might be tempted to go with a friend for a service if she knows it will please in-laws or friends. Never assume just because an offer is made by a friend that it is the best offer or the worst, just take the time to weigh the pros and cons. What should be considered here is how much you need the item they are supplying to be perfect, or if you could sacrifice if something was to go wrong.
- Understand their interest level. Is the friend a professional or part-timer offering you discounted services or priority in booking because they genuinely know it is something they do well or a person with a hobby who really wants to be involved and means well? Not all friends are professionals in what they are offering, and this
can bring some problems when you are counting on somebody not used to
working under pressure or in a time limit.
- Research is your best friend. No bride would just jump into signing a contract with the first vendor that they saw if that person's work stunk and the price was too high. Treat your friend's offer like any bid by a professional. Compare their work, perhaps ask if they have or could give you a portfolio
so you can share it with the people involved in planning and compare it
to the vendors you find are favorites for both quality and price.
- Always offer to pay. Gifting a service or a product for your wedding might sound like a great gesture, but there are problems with that which might not be so obvious. Free can be costly when it means the well meaning friend suddenly is facing their own financial hardship or sees exactly how much time will be involved in everything promised. Save yourself some heartache by offering to foot the cost of supplies for baking the wedding cake, or to purchase the flowers so they can make the center pieces.
- Ask for a contract. Protect your interests and your friend's name from drama with a contract spelling out the costs, expectations, and time-line for the services they offer. Even a friend who is just in it as a hobby can find a sample contract in a quick Google search or write up a basic outline to protect you both. While nobody wants to end up with the drama of broken promises or failure to produce what was promised, if money exchanges hands that contract is the best way to ensure that what you get will not be a surprise.
- You have the right to say no. Just because something was offered does not mean you are obligated to say yes. Often we feel there is an unfair expectation on the bride that she must accept every offer from her new family or from "his friends" just to make everybody happy. Not once is it written that by getting married you are obliged to take the advice of Great Aunt Claire if her advice is to have the kind of event you never wanted.
These are things I have done for my own events or for friends who I have been a vendor for in some way. From offering discounted photography to doing the fittings on wedding gowns, this is advice not just from my heart, but from my head as well.
